I didn’t realize it until today looking back at these photos, what appeared to be just getting together for our headshot swap/laugh a ton and visit was technically documenting the seasons of my life that I was going through. So a massive thank you to Kayla Lynn for being not just an amazing friend the last few years but for inadvertently documenting my journey to loving myself and becoming the person I am today!
The first time we got together for photos I had just found a lump in my breast (don’t worry it turned out benign) but that event was also a massive turning point; my marriage was falling apart, I had no clue who I was anymore, I felt as though I had no voice and was constantly told I was a loser and my job choice was a joke amongst a lot of other negative issues I won’t talk about here. This was the hardest season to walk through. I lost a lot of friends and had a few who stood by and listened to me when I needed it the most. I was living in a marriage that didn’t show my kids what a loving relationship was at all and here I am supposed to be setting an example of that for them and I wasn’t living that life at all, I felt alone, I felt like my relationship with my kids was fading fast. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy thing to do but put in the hard work because no situation is permanent if you have the courage to make the move to change it.
The second year I had just moved out and into my own place. I was far from being the best version of myself but the hard work had started. I felt a lot more confident in myself, my job and kept a few friends close but needed my time to heal. I needed to figure out who I needed in my life and who I needed to part from. I felt like a massive weight had been lifted and albeit certain sounds like a garage door opening still haunted me daily bringing anxiety back putting me into small panic modes. I was spending more time with my kids and felt as though I was getting to know them all over again.
The third year I had so much confidence, I had just put an offer on my dream home, my relationship with my finances was becoming healthier, my career was going amazing as I had just been titled the top 3 in Grande Prairie….. all that hard work was coming together. I felt as though I was ready for more out of life and that I was deserving of good things. The kids and I have had the chance to take adventures together and really create the most amazing memories along with our inside jokes on all the crazy things we’ve seen or done.
The fourth year, this year, my year…. I have completely let go of any toxic friendships, I have surrounded myself by a very select few who want the best for me as I do for them without jealousy or toxic lifestyle decisions. I have spent the last 7 months of hard work exercising every day to fall in love with my body to really love myself hard…. And I’m the happiest I have ever been. My kids have started spending more time around me in the living room (seriously sounds so messed up but this is a massive thing for our household…if I could tell all the stories of our past years I would).
It has been an amazing journey, a lot of loneliness but much needed to really do the soul searching, the writing down what I want my life to look like, what relationships do I want my children to see are the healthy ones vs the toxic ones. I’m finally in my happy place as the best version of myself… I work harder everyday to keep working on myself because I know that it doesn’t just stop once you get there… you have to keep doing the work. So if you’re going through a hard season I hear ya, I’ve been there…. It is scary to think about all the steps you need to get to where you want to be especially right now but I promise it is worth it…. It may take months or years but you get there if you keep showing up and doing the hard work every single day. I’m glad I didn’t settle for a life that I was told would be the only good one I could have, that I would be stupid to leave someone who had a lot of money.
Photos taken by my amazing friend Kayla Lynn Photography, edited by me.
